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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23530276">I think my head is broken into multiple pieces because I’m so deep into you</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/saienti/pseuds/saienti'>saienti</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>A.C.E (Beat Interactive Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, Boys Kissing, Eventual Smut, Feelings Realization, First Kiss, Happy Ending, Happy Reading, M/M, Slow Burn, This was supposed to be PWP, be smart be like Yuchan, because i already did, but i dont wanna spoil too much, but look at me go, but plot managed to sneak in, like actual smut, like the kind of smut that makes ur mom cry, please help, the only one seeing what happens is Yuchan, these tags make no sense, they just dance around each other because theyre dumb</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 15:27:40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>13,318</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23530276</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/saienti/pseuds/saienti</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Byeongkwan desperately tries to get Seyoon's undivided attention, and Seyoon is confused to why he is suddenly feeling so much more hot and bothered under Byeongkwan's gaze.<br/>Had it always been this way and Seyoon was just too dumb to notice? No, something has definitely changed and suddenly the dynamics of them threaten their deeply rooted friendship and the group as a whole.</p><p>or</p><p>the one where Byeongkwan thinks he is such a smart, confident gay and ends up hurting them both.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kim Byeongkwan/Kim Sehyoon | Wow</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>39</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>122</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Trying to be confident gay was a real bad idea</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>so yeah, this was supposed to be pwp and a oneshot<br/>but somehow it managed to be a lot of plot AND chapters. i assume around 3 chapters with roughly 1.5-2k words in each.<br/>happy reading, Choice!!<br/>also this viddy im linking here is the performance im talking about.<br/>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vYHNqrScU1I</p><p>i hope yall understand the timeline, im a bit messy in my head and made tons of research so i might have messed something up</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>☆</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em><strong>Prologue</strong> </em>
</p><p> </p><p>☆</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Slow dive<em> was supposed to be a slightly teasing song for Choice, with smooth dance movements and some suggestive body rolls. Adding the words girl here and there, hinting at certain… feelings so to speak.</em><br/><em>Seyoon had never in his life imagined </em>Slow dive<em> to be his tipping point from which he would never be able to recover. Each performance triggering him more than the last and at a frightening pace pushing him towards his inevitable undoing.</em><br/><em>He had seen Byeongkwan dance before, in hundreds of different outfits and choreographies. At first, during the earliest dance practices with lounging clothes when they were still perfecting everything so that they could record an official dance practice and put up on their channel, he was just appreciative of the younger’s fluent movements. The dance suited him so well and Seyoon felt his chest swell with pride whenever Byeongkwan nailed a specific move he’d been trying to perfect since morning. The fact that it was in Seyoon and not in Junhee the younger searched for validation made something slightly possessive start to grow in his gut since the very beginning of their friendship. The way his face lit up while he turned towards Seyoon and clapped in tiny font was typical of him and had always made Seyoon feel like a big brother. The first times practising the new dance, it was no different. They were best friends, had always been. Seyoon never thought of it as more than an extremely close brotherly bond.</em><br/><em>Byeongkwan had always been on the clingy side, wanting to be carried around and have his hair pet. He loved getting compliments, and Seyoon had no problem with showering the young boy with appreciation and attention. It was as it had always been.</em><br/><em>But now, slowly Seyoon notice minimal changes. Not only in Byeongkwan’s behavioural patterns towards him, but in his own ways of communicating and showing affection.</em></p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em>☆</em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p><em>Byeongkwan can’t remember his life before his crush on Seyoon. It split his timeline in two parts. There was his life now, constantly smothering his hyung with all the love he could get away with while still not crossing any damn lines. And then it was BS. Before Seyoon. And that life didn’t matter anymore, because Byeongkwan never wanted to go back.</em><br/>CACTUS<em> made it impossible for him to try and milk the skinship of the performance, since there was basically none. So he waited patiently (not really) for a comeback which he hoped would give him the push needed. Enter </em>Take me higher<em> . Score, because the pairing for the music video was exactly what he had dreamed of.</em><br/><em>He had been trying ever since to get his hyung’s attention in a more exclusive way, with baby steps. Don’t get him wrong, he surely succeeded, but it was way to slow for Byeongkwan’s liking. So, with the announcement of the comeback which included </em>Under Cover<em> , Byeongkwan had to be bolder. He started be very interested in the styling of his outfits for music videos and stage performances. The crop tops was a must. And tight jeans. He had to go the extra mile to finally get Seyoon to snap. He was so close, seeing Seyoon flush crimson whenever the others would tease about the almost-kiss-scene.</em><br/><em>“You should kiss already, give Choice a run for their money!” Yuchan had suggested more times than Byeongkwan could count. And Seyoon always stayed quiet, glancing ever so slightly at Byeongkwan when the answer always was “He has to watch out, maybe I will.”.</em><br/><em>Byeongkwan loved the game, but he loved Seyoon more and his patience was running out.</em></p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>☆☆☆☆☆</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>The changing room feels different, the air is thick and it makes Seyoon a bit jumpy. There is something about the way Byeongkwan has been looking at him lately. It makes Seyoon feel all hot and bothered, when did it become so hard to breathe around the younger male? Had it always been like this, and Seyoon was just too dumb to notice?<br/>No, there was definitely a change. Byeongkwan had become significantly touchier even off camera. When there was no need for fan service. Seyoon didn’t question it, afraid to hurt the other’s feelings. Maybe it was all innocent skinship. It certainly didn’t feel like that though, not with the heavy gazes accompanied by said skinship.<br/>Today is no different. There are zero cameras around, they are the only two done with hair and makeup, ready to go for the fansign. It is just a regular sunday in June, and they are lounging on the soft couches while the other three get finishing touch ups, Byeongkwan seems engrossed in his twitter feed. His unoccupied hand is placed on Seyoon’s leg, mindlessly caressing him up and down the length of his thigh. Seyoon can feel the soft press of his fingertips through the fabric of his jeans, and each time Byeongkwan’s hand travels towards his groin, the press is getting slightly harder and he becomes more daring to get closer. Seyoon doesn’t know how to stop it, or even if he wants to. He is strangely curious how far the younger will take it without the excuse of fan service.<br/>Unfortunately he is cut off by the staff announcing its time to get on stage, and Byeongkwan rises to his feet like nothing had happened. Before they go on stage though, he shoots Seyoon a sly smirk that is definitely a sign that he knew what he was doing. In that moment, Seyoon gets an idea.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>☆</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>The performance starts off smoothly, and Byeongkwan is a little petulant that his little game with Seyoon in the changing room didn’t affect the older as Byeongkwan hoped. But he has no time to dwell on it, he has dancing to do.<br/>The second verse is coming to its peak, and Byeongkwan turns towards Seyoon for the almost-kiss, when he sees something devilish flash in the other man's eyes. Before he can realize what is happening, Seyoon has leaned in way too close and nipped at his earlobe, making Byeongkwan erupt in nervous giggles and unable to completely collect his composure for the rest of the performance. His skin feels on fire and he can barely breathe. He will blame the dancing for that if it’s visible on Choice’s videos. Why did Seyoon do that, in front of everybody? This thought is on his mind for the rest of the fansign, he just can’t let it go.<br/>When they finally go backstage to get into comfier clothing and head home to the dorms, Byeongkwan feels ready to pass out.<br/>“That was some serious guts, Yoonie-hyung!” Yuchan pipes up and lightly punches Seyoon’s bicep.<br/>“Well, I thought it might be a fun thing. Byeongkwan is always all bark and no bite, so I figured I might aswell show him how to bite.” Seyoon chuckles in that low voice of his, like he isn’t affected by the whole situation at all. Byeongkwan wants to scream, he feels some kind of stress that is new to him and he doesn’t know how to handle this. Instead of yelling at the top of his lungs like he usually does when he feels attacked, he shuts down on himself, and hops in the car, very careful to not sit next to Seyoon even though they always sit basically on the same chair. He needs some time to process this, and all of his feelings. He misses the way everyone goes silent and especially the way Seyoon search his gaze, trying to understand what went wrong.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>☆</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Seyoon feels his gut twisting the whole way home. It was supposed to be fun, a little joke between the both of them since they both know how well loved WowKwan is amongst Choice. Why does he feel like he did the only thing that shouldn't had been done? Wasn’t this what Byeongkwan always insisted on, when they were teasing each other about actually kissing? Did Seyoon take things too far? He lets his mind consume him, and isn’t even aware of Junhee trying to get his attention.<br/>“Did you two fight while we were getting our makeup done? Something must have happened.” he asks in his leader voice, careful to not wake the other rapper up who is snuggled against the leader’s shoulder, hanging on like a koala. The sight makes jealousy stir in Seyoon’s heart, twisting it with cold hands. When did he become this possessive?<br/>“No, I think he is just tired. It was a lot today.” Seyoon answers, and hopes it’s enough because he doesn’t know what else to say.<br/>“Sort it out.” is the last thing Junhee whispers before facing ahead again, slowly petting Byeongkwan’s hair.<br/>When they get to the dorms, Seyoon quickly jumps out and heads towards the other side of the car where Junhee and Byeongkwan are situated, the latter still fast asleep.<br/>“Should I carry him inside?” Seyoon asks quietly, holding his arms out as a gesture to further accentuate his question. But Junhee shakes his head, and picks Byeongkwan up himself, although a little less graceful than what Seyoon does.<br/>“I think it’s better if I take him to our room.” is the short answer he gets, and it gives no room for arguing. Seyoon’s heart sink, and his steps feel heavy. How did this manage to get so fucked up?</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>☆</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i hope u liked this first chapter, i love cliffhangers uwu<br/>also thanks to my new author friend @The_Clamp for being a good sport about this mess<br/></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Dealing with it by not dealing with it</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Things just seem to get significantly worse the more they try to normalize the situation.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hi again ive been on this bitch the whole day and couldnt wait anymore with posting chapter two jdnjsnksn sooooooo yay i hope u love it<br/>obsessed with the dynamics of wowkwan, it feels so canon to me haha especially the fluffy parts<br/>here is the viddy that inspired this chapters performance part<br/>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=143IlJwLR1I</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>☆</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>When Byeongkwan awakes, he is in his bed with no recollection of how he got here. Usually Seyoon carries him here when he falls asleep in the car, but there are very clear signs that the one who carried him to his bed was not Seyoon.<br/>
</span>
  <span>For one, his Kirby-slippers are not next to his bed, placed so he can easily slip into them. Actually, he can’t see the slippers anywhere in the room.<br/>
</span>
  <span>Secondly, he does not have his pyjamas on. He is still in his sweats and the t-shirt he put on in the changing rooms. The pyjamas lies thrown on the chair by his desk, just the way he left it yesterday morning after changing outfits.<br/>
</span>
  <span>And third, the usual glass of water and his glasses are not on his nightstand. Well. There is the glass. But no water. And his glasses are still folded, not ready to just put on for him.<br/>
</span>
  <span>He feels a pang of hurt soar through him, what did he do wrong that made Seyoon not even wanna carry him to his bed like he always did when Byeongkwan fell asleep? He feels confused and sad and not ready to start the day. So he rolls back in bed, curling into a ball under his blankets and hugs his big, fluffy Kirby close to his chest.<br/>
</span>
  <span>A few minutes later, he hears socked feet pad towards his bed. He hopes it’s Seyoon, but knows it isn’t. A hand is firmly put on his shoulder, squeezing softly. It’s Junhee.<br/>
</span>
  <span>“Don’t you wanna get up? Donghun prepared some breakfast for you, the others are already done. I figured you’d want to eat alone.” Junhee asks, slowly stroking Byeongkwan’s arm.<br/>
</span>
  <span>“I’m not hungry.” comes his muffled voice. He really isn’t. He can’t think of anything worse than eating right now. Okay, he can think of many things worse than eating right now, and they all include the gnawing feeling inside that Seyoon hates him.<br/>
</span>
  <span>He sits up in a swift movement, and his eyes lock with Junhee’s.<br/>
</span>
  <span>“Who carried me to bed last night?” he asks, fixating the leaders gaze firmly. Junhee looks a bit confused, which is understandable. He doesn’t understand the routine and how much Byeongkwan adores Seyoon’s care. He loves it so much that he usually pretends to fall asleep just so that he can be babied by his hyung. But that is his little secret.<br/>
</span>
  <span>“Uh, I did. Why do you-” Junhee starts.<br/>
</span>
  <span>“Why didn’t Seyoon-hyung do it?” Byeongkwan cuts him off. He can’t help the feeling of panic rising in his chest, he is so close to lashing out on the older just because his emotions are overwhelming him.<br/>
</span>
  <span>“He-”<br/>
</span>
  <span>“He always does it. Why didn’t he? What did I do?” Byeongkwan whimpers, his feelings unable to be contained much longer.<br/>
</span>
  <span>“Byeongkwan, you didn’t-”<br/>
</span>
  <span>“I did, didn’t I? It’s my fault, all of this!” he starts whisper-yelling, not even knowing what he is really implying here. Junhee seems every bit as confused by his outburst, mouth agape and unable to give a proper answer. “My Kirby-slippers are nowhere to be found, my pajamas looks like it hasn’t been worn for a century, and this-” he picks up the glass on his bedside table. “- this is EMPTY!”<br/>
</span>
  <span>He has no idea what is happening right now, and that just builds to the storm inside and the ice cold feeling of being abandoned. The tears starts to roll uncontrollably down his cheeks and he wants to die of embarrassment because of his inability to handle the situation.<br/>
</span>
  <span>“He has abandoned me. He always carries me here, and now I don’t know what I did to make him hate me so much he won’t even carry me to bed like he always does. He always does that, Junhee-hyung. You know he always does, don’t you?” he hiccups a few times, trembling hands reaching out to take Junhee’s.<br/>
</span>
  <span>“Byeongkwan, baby-” Junhee tries the nickname because he’s seen it work every time Seyoon uses it. “-I don’t know what happened between you two. But I carried you because you sat down next to me, and I thought something happened and I didn’t want you to be carried if you weren’t consenting. In case you were arguing.”<br/>
</span>
  <span>“Why wouldn’t I consent, why would you carry me? That is just stupid. He always carries me. Why do you try to take his place? You can’t even do it right! I understand that he must be upset with me since he thinks I love you more, why don’t you take responsibility as our leader? You </span>
  <em>
    <span>know </span>
  </em>
  <span>he carries me, you know he does!” Byeongkwan knows he is being unfair and childish but he can’t help it. He knows he shouldn’t lash out at Junhee, but there is so much frustration going on inside his mind that he just can’t stop. Especially not when Junhee just sits there, and takes it. He isn’t even sighing at Byeongkwan’s absolute bullshit. He just holds Byeongkwan’s shaking frame, and lets him cry and accuse him of anything and everything.<br/>
</span>
  <span>When Byeongkwan’s tears finally stops running, Junhee straightens up.<br/>
</span>
  <span>“So, as I said. I don’t know what happened. But this needs to be solved. I’m going to fetch your breakfast. And you better eat it.” he says before standing, giving Byeongkwan a stern look. Byeongkwan is sure he is hurt, he crossed many lines, it’s evident in his eyes. But still, he won’t curse him out. Even though he should. And that is another pebble that lands on the big pile of anxiety that is already weighing Byeongkwan down. What the hell is he doing?</span><br/>
<br/>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>☆</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Seyoon plans to avoid the dorm for the whole day, afraid that he might say or do something immensely stupid again. So he drags Yuchan out with him after breakfast to do something fun. Or at least try to. Yuchan is an angel of course and lightens up Seyoon’s mood a lot.<br/>
</span>
  <span>“We can go to the arcade! It’s already open and since it’s just before lunch the place will probably be empty!” Yuchan suggests, tugging Seyoon along. He is glad he doesn’t have to do any of the thinking today.<br/>
</span>
  <span>They spend hours at the arcade until Seyoon’s stomach complains for the nth time, and Yuchan finally decides to drag him along to a hamburger place he knows Seyoon loves.<br/>
</span>
  <span>Once they have gotten a seat and some drinks, Yuchan looks at him expectantly.<br/>
</span>
  <span>“So?” he says, like Seyoon had a clue what he was talking about. Which he had. But Yuchan didn’t need to know that.<br/>
</span>
  <span>“So what?”<br/>
</span>
  <span>“What the fuck, man. You and Kwannie?”<br/>
</span>
  <span>Seyoon continues his act.<br/>
</span>
  <span>“Yeah, what about us?”<br/>
</span>
  <span>His heart tug slightly when he says </span>
  <em>
    <span>us</span>
  </em>
  <span>, because they have always been an entity. Them against the world.<br/>
</span>
  <span>“You’re basically married at this point, cuddling and snuggling and pet names and all that domestic shit. And then you finally bite his earlobe, and he turns into an introvert and buries himself in a blanket fort? Isn’t he as kinky as I bet with you? I can’t afford to lose that much money, bro.”<br/>
</span>
  <span>Seyoon is grateful for Yuchan’s approach, joking always made hard things feel less intimidating.<br/>
</span>
  <span>“If I should be completely honest with you, I haven’t got a clue. I thought he wanted to play more, but he retreated once I actually kinda took him up on the offer. I’m worried I hurt him.”<br/>
</span>
  <span>“Nah, that bite wouldn’t hurt nobody.”<br/>
</span>
  <span>“I didn’t mean the bite, Channie.”<br/>
</span>
  <span>“I know.” Yuchan smiles softly. “Please talk to him. I see how he looks at you, he is probably just scared you’re messing with him.”<br/>
</span>
  <span>And just like that, the food arrives and conversation is lost.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>☆</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>The whole day passes without Seyoon or Yuchan at home. Byeongkwan is on the edge all the time, every noise makes him skitter around to see if it might be Seyoon, but it never is. He is sure they’re not in danger, otherwise Junhee would have be mental at this point.<br/>
</span>
  <span>When nighttime rolls around and there is still no sign of the last two, Byeongkwan decides to run a bath and relax his muscles a bit. He picks out the bubbles Seyoon is always using whenever he draws him a bath, just so that he can pretend the older isn’t hating him. Maybe he should just leave it be, let things settle and go back to normal. Not overthink the whole thing? But how could he, now that he knows how Seyoon’s lips feel touching his earlobe ever so quickly? Maybe he overreacted? Seyoon was good at controlling himself. He might had done that to cover up any sign of actual feelings when Yuchan applauded him for the risky bite.<br/>
</span>
  <span>He lets himself sink further into the warm water, enjoying the way it engulfs him and lets his worries sit on the sideline for a bit.<br/>
</span>
  <span>He has no idea how long he has been in there, but a faint knock on the door wakes him up from his drowsy rest.<br/>
</span>
  <span>“Mmmyeah?” he says.<br/>
</span>
  <span>“It’s late, Kwannie. Please go to bed soon.” Donghun says from the other side of the door. “The others have all said goodnight, and I don’t feel comfortable leaving you awake all alone behind locked doors, sleepy with a warm bath. It can be dangerous. Come out.”<br/>
</span>
  <span>Byeongkwan rolls his eyes.<br/>
</span>
  <span>“Okay, </span>
  <em>
    <span>mom</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”<br/>
</span>
  <span>He stands up, and drains the tub while diving into the softest towel he owns. It’s a gift from Seyoon for his birthday last year. It’s a striped black and white one, meant to remind Byeongkwan of his best friend since those are his favorite colors. Byeongkwan loves it. It is perfectly soft, and big enough that it can wrap around him twice.<br/>
</span>
  <span>While the bathroom is still warm from the bath, he washes his face and brushes his teeth, feeling very relaxed and suddenly very sleepy.<br/>
</span>
  <span>He opens the door and is met with Donghun’s droopy eyes.<br/>
</span>
  <span>“Did you seriously spend all night in there?” he asks, voice sounding nothing more than a whisper.<br/>
</span>
  <span>“Yeah, I needed that. Goodnight, hyung.” he boops Donghun’s nose and off to bed he goes.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>☆</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Seyoon successfully avoids the dorms, and with that Byeongkwan, for almost a week. But then it’s time for another fansign and Seyoon feels himself sweating as soon as he wakes up.<br/>
</span>
  <span>The whole morning feels like a blur and he can’t seem to remember  how he usually acts when Byeongkwan decides to sit next to him in the car. He has almost forgotten how good Byeongkwan smells, or how his hand feels caressing Seyoon’s knuckles, as if sensing his stress and wanting to soothe him like he always does.<br/>
</span>
  <span>Everything is elevated and Seyoon is scared going on stage. He has no alone time with Byeongkwan to talk about what happened last time, and he knows what Choice expect after seeing what he did. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck</span>
  </em>
  <span>, why didn’t they talk during the week? He thought he was smart, and see where that got him. A miserable puddle of sweat right in the middle of the dressing room.<br/>
</span>
  <span>“Okay, boys. Let’s go!”<br/>
</span>
  <span>And up on stage he is. He puts on his professional poker face, entering Wow and leaving a trembling Seyoon like a shell backstage. He feels the usual rush of their fans adoring him, he is smiling and everything feels great.<br/>
</span>
  <span>When their part comes up, he isn’t even nervous. It’s like he left every doubt he had, and it looks like the younger male had done the same. They aren’t even close to kissing, just laughing a little when Byeongkwan softly caresses his cheek and Seyoon turns away from the touch with a big grin. He can do this. He can pretend that everything is peachy. He can pretend he hadn’t been avoiding the younger for the past five days. He tells himself he didn’t miss seeing his beautiful eyes up close. He can pretend this is just fan service. He can try to forget that last time they did this move, it ended up with Byeongkwan falling asleep on someone else's shoulder, and being carried to bed by someone who wasn’t Seyoon. Someone who didn’t make sure he was in his pajamas, tucked safely under the blankets. Someone who didn’t know the importance of having his Kirby-slippers ready to just slip on. Not because it was convenient, but because of the sunshine smile Seyoon always received from Byeongkwan when he waddled out of the room with his glass of water clutched in his left hand and his big Kirby firmly held in the right one. He is good at pretending. He can do it.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>☆</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>The normalcy of the situation feels almost bearable to Byeongkwan, when he sits next to Seyoon in the car on their way back. He tries convincing himself that nothing happened. Like the past days were just a sad, very realistic dream.<br/>
</span>
  <span>His heart stings with agony when he sees that Seyoon looks completely normal, like they haven’t been in different parts of the city at any given time of the day the past five days, unless it was bedtime. But Byeongkwan hasn’t forgotten Seyoon’s smile though, and seeing it today at the fansign, even though it was probably fake, made him feel good. Seyoon was a really good actor, and he proved that today with his smile. It almost felt so real Byeongkwan could touch the butterflies in his belly.<br/>
</span>
  <span>He is very careful as to not fall asleep in the car though. He can bottle up his feelings all the want, that is the easy part. The hard part is controlling his body, denying it to fall into the familiarity he so desperately craves. But he can’t let his body betray him like that. So instead he pulls out his phone and scrolls twitter, seeing what Choice put up from the fansign already. Some of them are really fast, but that is mostly because those aren’t actual fansites who do these events for a living. Most of the fast published pictures are a bit blurry, and without watermarks. Byeongkwan likes those the most, because then he can’t focus too hard on his flaws or things that make him uncomfortable about himself. And they feel less creepy to him. Fansites have a tendency to feel… scary sometimes. He refrains himself from thinking about those who get paid to take detailed photos of him while dancing or talking or doing anything. He already feels very criticized by his own brain, so having people take top quality pictures to edit out all the flaws and therefore seeing everything that is ugly about him, makes his skin crawl.<br/>
</span>
  <span>“That one was really cute of you.”<br/>
</span>
  <span>Byeongkwan almost jumps out of his skin when Seyoon speaks up, his finger hovering over a picture on the timeline. Byeongkwan can feel his breath on his cheek, and he feels so weak in this moment. He could just… lean in towards Seyoon and let himself go. Fall asleep. Be carried inside. Pretend like everything is as it should be.</span><br/>
<span>But he has a heart to protect. So he does what completely goes against his instincts.<br/>
</span>
  <span>“Ya, stop looming over my phone. Don’t you have any sense of personal space?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <span>☆</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i wanna thank god for this *proceeds to be an atheist like Junhee* yall know the viddy im talking about dont try me<br/>also comment if u wanna be in the Junhee protection squad from Kwans outrageous outbursts in this fic</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. The inevitable feels so far away, even though I can see it rushing towards me in the horizon</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The last few straws are piling up, and none of them can go on like this for much longer without damaging eeverything they worked so hard for.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>ah so yes, this was supposed to be 3 chapters buuuuut i changed my mind.<br/>this is the second last chapter, 4 chapters feels like a good amount for this story to come to an end<br/>here is the viddy referenced<br/>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KMOdULIWzDI</p><p>also i imagined the relay dance being recorded around november even though it released now in january. it made more sense to my story and they always record stuff like that beforehand anyways</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>☆</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>Seyoon swears everybody in the car hears his heart shatter in thousands of pieces. The silence is thick, and it’s impossible to breathe.<br/>
The rest of the way home Seyoon stays silent. He wouldn’t dare to make any other mistakes. This was the end. Junhee would call for a meeting in the morning and have them disbanded. How did Seyoon manage to fuck up? All he wanted was to make everybody happy.<br/>
He silently disappears into the dorm, quickly slipping into his sleeping clothing and diving under the covers. He has no energy to even brush his teeth of take off his makeup. They have the day off tomorrow anyways, it’s not like the crew will scold him for his bad skin in the morning or anything. Right now, all he wants is to disappear in a deep sleep, preferably never waking up again.</p><p><em> He feels the burning gaze of the others, staring him down like he is some kind of virus that needs to be erased.<br/>
</em> <em> “Why are you even in this group? All you do is hurt us all, ruining the bond we have been building over the past years, you don’t belong here.”<br/>
</em> <em> The harsh voice of Junhee cuts through his heart like nothing he had ever experienced. He wants to go away, to remove himself from the other’s lives forever. What is he even doing? Why didn’t he ever learn his lessons? He knew he would ruin lives, why did he still find himself in situations where other’s well being was in danger?<br/>
</em> <em> “I trusted you, hyung. I trusted you to never hurt me. I gave you everything and you stepped on me like I was dirt under your shoes.”<br/>
</em> <em> Seyoon turns around so quickly he is sure he will get a whiplash. The piercing gaze of Byeongkwan is going right through him. The tears are evident in his voice, it will break any second now. And there are no words on Seyoon’s tongue. He has nothing to say to possibly make everything okay.<br/>
</em> <em> “Please say something? Anything. Seyoon, I love you. I need you. Please just give me a sign it’s not one sided? You just have to tell me, hyung. I would never hurt you.”<br/>
</em> <em> “Byeongkwan, I-” he starts, but everything suddenly fades, as he panics. “Please, don’t leave me! Kwannie, please let me-” </em></p><p>He sits up, sweat drowning him and his covers are twisted around his ankles. Everything hurts, and he isn’t even sure he got any sleep to begin with. His breathing is heavy, and he is shaking like a leaf. Despite his ragged breaths, stirring the whole dorm, he is the only one in the room awake. He throws a glance at Donghun’s bed, and there the eldest lies, peacefully snoring. He has to calm down.<br/>
He gets up, locating his glasses and heads for the kitchen to make some tea.<br/>
When he gets there, though, he realizes he isn’t alone. There is another member there. The very last one he should face right now, sleep deprived and freshly out of a terrible nightmare.<br/>
“Hi, you look horrible. I made tea. Care to share a pot with me?”<br/>
Byeongkwan’s voice is so soft, so caring, despite the shit Seyoon put him through for the past weeks.<br/>
“I don’t want to ruin your peaceful night time. Don’t feel pressured to drink tea with me, please.” he whispers, and Byeongkwan flicks his wrist in an annoyed manner.<br/>
“Don’t be ridiculous. Please, have a cup with me.”<br/>
And there is no way Seyoon can try to deny him more than once, so he takes the cup that the younger prepared for him, just the way he likes it, and sits down on one side of the couch in their common area. He can’t for the life of him understand why Byeongkwan still cares for him, even though it has been evident for the past weeks that all Seyoon ever do is make him doubt himself or even cry. They should talk. They <em> really </em> should. But Seyoon isn’t sure if he is ready. There is a stretched silence between them, and because Byeongkwan isn’t where he usually is during their private moments, which is in Seyoon’s lap, it adds to the already uneasy feeling nestling inside Seyoon’s chest. Fuck it, he will never  be ready. He takes a deep breath and turns towards the younger male.<br/>
“Byeongkwan, listen, what happ-”<br/>
“Save it, Yoonie-hyung. I have way too much on my mind. I don’t think I have the mental capability to run this through either. I need us to be stable. Let’s just get the promotions over with, like we usually do. I need you to be my solid rock through these times. We will talk afterwards, <em> I promise </em> .” Byeongkwan begs him, his eyes are droopy and shiny behind the big cup of tea he is holding to his lips. Those perfect lips.<br/>
“Uh- yeah. I mean of course, I’m always gonna be here for you, baby.” Seyoon answers truthfully, because he never wants to let the other boy go.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>☆</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>When Seyoon calls him baby, it takes all his willpower to not throw himself around the older man’s neck, sobbing into his skin and confess everything that has been weighing him down. He is still sure that what he said is what is needed right now. Maybe not for him, or Seyoon, but for the other members. They are a team, and all of their well being is being compromised if the two of them keep this creepy cat-and-mouse-game up. They need some time to think, to sort this out, and with promotions being their main focus, emotions and relationships needs to sit in the shotgun.<br/>
“I just- just need some time to think. What to say, or like- more like- how to express myself properly.” Byeongkwan stutters out. “Please don’t rush me. I will let you know when I am ready. It might take a little while, but I <em> swear </em> I will not leave you hanging. Do you trust me, Yoonie-hyung?”<br/>
They lock eyes, and Byeongkwan’s soul breaks. Seyoon looks devastated, and Byeongkwan wants to take it all back. But he has to think of the others aswell. He <em> can’t </em> be selfish, like he longs to be, under these conditions.<br/>
Seyoon nods slowly, putting down his cup. The tea is still untouched, even though Byeongkwan made it as he knows Seyoon loves it. He had a feeling a few minutes before the other appeared, that he would join him for tea. So he prepared his favourite tea, with all the extra details he had picked up during their time of being best friends. And when even his tea didn’t help, Byeongkwan knew something was very unstable within the older man’s mind.<br/>
“Please promise me you won’t shut me out? Talk to me. Before everything else, <em> as of now </em> , I am your best friend. All I ever want to do is be here for you and help you be your happiest self.”<br/>
It hurts expressing himself like he doesn’t have the most overwhelming feelings of love for the blonde boy. But saying that would complicate things even more, seeing how things are now without Byeongkwan even being close to confessing. He accentuates the <em> as of now </em> , hoping Seyoon will catch the hint.<br/>
“I am just-” Seyoon breathes heavily. “- just so tired. Promotions always drain me, there is so much focus on performing and to look good, and sometimes I-”<br/>
There is a pause. It feels thick, and Byeongkwan is holding his breath to not ruin the fragile moment. They haven’t talked in forever, and now Seyoon is finally opening up. He can’t fuck this up by breathing.<br/>
“- sometimes I just feel like I am never good enough, or beautiful enough, or talented enough, or energetic enough, or fit enough. It just sucks the fun out of what is supposed to be our dream life. You know?”<br/>
Seyoon looks up, and Byeongkwan has to force himself not to cry. This isn’t about him, and he knows Seyoon has a soft heart and will immediately make it about Byeongkwan, should he start sobbing. So instead, he lets out a shuddering breath, and nods.<br/>
“I do know. Too well. It’s hard. But I am here to reassure you. You <em> are </em> good enough, beautiful enough, talented enough, energetic enough, fit enough. You’re <em> perfect </em> , Yoonie. And I will never let anybody make you think otherwise.”<br/>
He puts his tea down, and carefully scoots over. Watching Seyoon intently to see if he is going to push him away. But Seyoon doesn’t make any move to increase the space between them. When Byeongkwan is close enough, he reaches out to grab Seyoon’s hand and squeeze it softly.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>☆</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>The second Seyoon feels Byeongkwan’s hand on his, he immediately pulls him into his lap on reflex. He is not capable to deny himself the only thing that can calm his racing mind right now. He hugs the smaller boy like his life depended on it, burying his nose in his messy hair. At first, Byeongkwan feels reluctant, afraid to be this close for the first time in a very long time. But as Seyoon strokes his hair, he feels the other relax into his hug. Because as Byeongkwan said, they are, first and foremost, best friends. And Seyoon can’t live without his soulmate.<br/>
Soon he feels Byeongkwan’s arms sneak around his neck, hugging him back and softly petting the short hairs at the back of his head. And the loving gesture finally breaks the last part of self control Seyoon owns. He starts bawling his eyes out, his whole body shaking violently as he cries.<br/>
Byeongkwan just continues to caress his nape, humming a soft melody with his cheek against Seyoon’s throat. None of them dares to speak, scared they will break the magic they so desperately need now.<br/>
Seyoon manages to catch his breath after what feels like a week, and releases Byeongkwan to look at him properly.<br/>
“Thank you. For always- always being here. I don’t know what I would do without you. Honestly.” he whispers, then he leans in and presses a very light peck on the younger male’s forehead. “Good night.”<br/>
When Seyoon is in his bed once again, he faceplants and disappears immediately in a dreamless sleep.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>☆</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>Byeongkwan feels so much lighter when he wakes up. Even though they barely said anything last night, he can feel it. The slight change.<br/>
They sit next to each other at breakfast, tentatively looking at each other and giving each other small pieces of their own food to exchange between them.<br/>
Byeongkwan notices the way Junhee is watching them from the corner of his eye, a slight smile tugging at the leader’s lips. And it makes Byeongkwan remember why he has to put his feelings on ice. The others work just as hard as him, and they deserve all the success in the world. He wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he ruined this for them.<br/>
After breakfast Yuchan suggests they all do something together.<br/>
“We rarely have any days off during promotions! Please, hyungs! I just want to hang out with my family, it doesn’t even have to be anything specific!” he whines loudly from the couch in the living room. Junhee plops down next to him and ruffles his hair affectionately.<br/>
“Okay, you big puppy. What do you wanna do?” he scolds without any bite. Yuchan beams at the question and immediately starts rambling about a thousands of things he wants to do.<br/>
A while later, all of them dressed properly with their hair fixed and masks on, they head out from the dorm into the warm June sun. The wind blows softly, tousling Yuchans mess of hair since he decided to not wear anything on his head.<br/>
“I like Mother Nature to take care of me as she sees fit!” he giggles while skipping ahead, twirling around with the brightest smile anyone could ever have. Byeongkwan laughs out loud, in times like these he is reminded that Yuchan is their maknae.<br/>
They stroll around Seoul, careful to avoid the bigger streets to not cause a commotion. Yuchan had protested very loudly about them still kinda hiding away, sulking over that they always had to be a bit careful when outside. He insisted they were not so famous they would have sasaengs running after them.<br/>
“We’re not Bangtan, for Christ sake!”<br/>
Donghun gives him a warning look.<br/>
“If you don’t shut up soon, I will personally drag you back to the dorms by your ears. Do you hear me, young man?”<br/>
“Okay, <em> mom </em> .” the maknae sighs dramatically, putting his sunglasses on to end the discussion.<br/>
Suddenly Byeongkwan feels a soft poking at his hand. He looks down, and his heart swells when he sees Seyoon gripping at his fingers. Quickly he lets their hands meet, and swings them ever so slightly as they walk side by side.<br/>
“Selca time, squad!” Yuchan yells, making them all turn around in surprise. None of them has the chance to react and strike a pose, and Yuchan squeals happily. “Perfect. I’m gonna frame this one!”<br/>
It feels like forever ago since things felt this natural, and Byeongkwan lets himself get carried away before reality comes crashing down once again. He allows himself to indulge, to exist. Just right here. Just right now.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>☆</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>Byeongkwan had promised they would talk. And Seyoon didn’t dare to push him. But days turned to weeks. Weeks turned to months. And suddenly he finds himself at the point where he can barely remember they even had anything to talk about to begin with.<br/>
Suddenly, it’s November and they are in the middle of their new comeback. And while practising the choreography for <em> Slow dive </em> , something stirs and awakes in Seyoon’s chest. Once again, there is this tightening feeling in his heart. Something never got cleared up. And they are both to blame. They let themselves fall back into what had been so distinctively <em> them </em> , and buried their feelings so deep, it was hard to see if they had been there at all. And now it all comes flowing back, just because a particular part of the second verse. Not even close to the proximity of <em> Under Cover </em> . But with the underlying, deeply buried feelings from months ago, this feels so loaded, Seyoon doesn’t even know how to breathe. And right then, Seyoon knows. He <em> knows </em> the feelings are there. Because they are crashing down with a bang now, right in his face.<br/>
One of the situations that restarted everything was when they recorded a relay dance that was due to be released a few weeks later. They had gotten heaps of  silly costumes that they could change a couple of times during the performance.<br/>
Seyoon was just joking around when he put a fluffy bunny hat on his head, not even worried about the other members opinions.<br/>
“Do I look cute?” he had asked with a small smile. A member of the staff answered politely that he indeed looked cute.<br/>
“No.” Byeongkwan had answered, without hesitation or any sign of a joke. Seyoon had felt his heart sink, while he tried keeping a smile on his face. They usually joked around, but this felt different. Seyoon felt like he had been punched in the gut. Not so much to make him cry but enough to affect his general mood. Byeongkwan was usually never this dismissive of him, and something about that hurt Seyoon more than he would like to admit. There was a childish part of him that wanted to tell Byeongkwan that if someone here looked ridiculous, it was him with that <em> stupid fish hat </em> , but he kept his mouth shut and buried the feeling of betrayal far down. Maybe Byeongkwan had had a bad day? They could talk it out later, he hoped.<br/>
And now, here he is. Thoughts spiralling out of control, tears behind his eyelids. He is sitting in his bed, trying to draw something to clear this hurricane of a mind, but to no avail. He is once more slowly going insane, just because of this person, who he can’t get out of his god damn mind even if he tried to.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>☆</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>Byeongkwan feels himself doing the same mistake over again. Overreacting and lashing out at the others. He had not been able to manage his jealousy seeing Seyoon so giggly in between takes with Yuchan. It made him want to cry.<br/>
He knows he has nothing to be jealous of. Yuchan is like their baby brother. And Seyoon loves him to bits. Just as Byeongkwan does. Still, he can’t control the childish anger that rises in him as soon as Seyoon is affectionate with their maknae.<br/>
Especially since he <em> promised </em> Seyoon a long time ago that they would talk. And here he is, months later and filled with anxiety because it might be too late. Seyoon acts like he did before <em> Under Cover </em> . Byeongkwan blames himself daily because he let himself fall back into the warm familiarity, ignoring the consequences it might bring. He isn’t sure he can handle to bring it up again. Last time it was a mess, and that time they didn’t even properly discuss it. This time it might be the breaking point. Maybe Seyoon realized that he was happier with them as best friends? And Byeongkwan needs him. <em> So </em> bad. He is willing to once and for all bury his crush, just to have Seyoon close forever.<br/>
His head is spinning, as he is lying down in his bed, desperate to sort his thoughts out while listening to Slow dive on repeat just so he can at least try to distract himself with going through the choreo in his mind.<br/>
He is so caught up in his thoughts that he fails to notice someone sneaking into the room, and almost falls to the floor while shrieking in surprise when Seyoon sits down next to him on the bed.<br/>
“Kwannie, I need to tell you something.” the older whispers. Byeongkwan’s heart stops.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>☆</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>thank u for bearing with me in this roller coaster fic hahah. one chapter to go, how u like this so far?<br/>i hope u enjoyed the tiny slice of life i added, just to let the other characters have their moment a bit heh</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. The slowest dive, and that fucking sushi</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Admitting is inevitable, and then everything just goes downhill.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>ok so dont hate me... but this chapter would have been so so soooo long and i like to keep my chapters roughly the same length, which is why i split it and ended up with five chapters in total.<br/>we are so close nooooow!!!!!</p><p>referenced performance<br/>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AvtCy-WKQn4</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>☆</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Byeongkwan looks like a deer in headlights, and Seyoon’s first instinct is to just hug him and never let go.<br/>But this has been going on for too long. He needs closure.<br/>“Or maybe- maybe I wanna ask you something. More than tell you something- maybe…” he trails off, afraid to continue. He feels the younger sit up and scoot towards him, headphones tossed to the side. <em> Slow dive </em> is still blasting on full volume through the tiny speakers.<br/>“Yes?” Byeongkwan probes gently, almost breathlessly. Seyoon turns to look at him, and his heart aches. Byeongkwan watches him, gaze unwavering and curious, eyes big and round. He looks so pure, so sweet, Seyoon’s breath gets caught in his throat for a second.<br/>“What- what happened to-” he swallows. “- to u-us?”<br/>Stupid voice that cracks and makes him feel weak and pathetic. Byeongkwan stays silent for a few seconds. Then he opens his mouth with a sharp inhale.<br/>“Seyoon-hyung. I am sorry. I should have talked to you sooner. I have so much to say about this, and- and <em> us </em> . But I- I was scared. I <em> am </em> scared.”<br/>The last word is barely audible.<br/>“What is this? Because I know it’s something. Plea- please tell me it’s something. Tell me I’m not delusional or see things that aren’t real but feel <em> so very real </em> . Please tell me it is more than f-fan service?” Seyoon has to know and he has to know now. He doesn’t care that he is rushing the words out, he can’t take the uncertainty any longer. Saying out loud for the first time that this, <em> this is something </em> , feels liberating and terrifying.<br/>As soon as the words has left his mouth, Byeongkwan is in his lap, straddling him. His soft hands cups Seyoon’s cheeks, thumbs stroking his cheekbones.<br/>“It is, right? It <em> has </em> to be. Do you want it to be?” he sounds as desperate as Seyoon feels. And when their gazes lock, it’s like the flick of a wand, and all Seyoon’s doubts are gone. He tilts his chin up ever so slightly, his breath ghosting Byeongkwan’s lips. He pauses, giving the younger the final decision.<br/>“Because I do.” is the last thing Seyoon hears the other say, before the sensation of his lips causes his mind to go blank.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>☆</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Byeongkwan had never wanted anything more in his entire life, it feels like a drug he never knew he needed to survive until it was on his lips. The taste of the blonde’s lips is so intoxicating, Byeongkwan almost forgets how to breathe.<br/>The kiss is messy, feverish and desperate. Seyoon gasps for air and Byeongkwan wastes no time to slip his tongue inside, licking every surface he can possibly reach. If he dies now from oxygen deprivation, he is fine with it. The only sound he hears is the wet, disgusting noise of their tongues clashing together.<br/>His hands search for something to hold on to, and finds Seyoon’s hair. Clutching it hard, almost yanking his head back, he pushes himself down onto Seyoon’s lap. Seyoon yelps in pain from the hair pulling, but doesn’t stop kissing him. Instead, he puts his hands on Byeongkwan’s hips, and meets his grinding with a tentative, slow thrust. Byeongkwan breaks the kiss and throws his head back, it feels so much better than he ever imagined.<br/>“Fuck. I’m-” he breathes loudly, looking at Seyoon. The older has a fire in his eyes that Byeongkwan have only seen once, when he got his earlobe bitten on stage.<br/>"Yeah, me too." Seyoon answers, like he knows what Byeongkwan is thinking. And then he proceeds to assault Byeongkwan’s neck, licking wet trails all over it. It makes Byeongkwan’s skin crawl, he usually does not like to be smothered in saliva. But the way Seyoon drools over him like he is the most delicious of candies pushes that preference as far back as it goes. All he wants is for Seyoon to drown him now. He feels a teasing nip from Seyoon’s teeth at the junction of his neck, and hisses. <br/>"Ah, no. Not there. What if-" he begins, but Seyoon shushes him. <br/>"Baby, I know. I was just teasing you a little. I know I can't. But <em> God </em> , I want to."<br/>"Shit, me too. Maybe the staff have some good concea-" <br/>"It's not happening, baby. Don't ask me again, though. Because I can only deny you once. You know that." Seyoon mumbles against his skin, and Byeongkwan wants so bad to test if that is really true. But he knows he is not ready for the scolding that will come with it tomorrow when Junhee and Donghun sees it. <br/>"Plea- please mark me somewhere else, hyung. I need it." Byeongkwan begs, and tugs his shirt off. He throws it to God knows where, and couldn't care less. And it seems like just as Seyoon can't deny him twice, he does not have to be asked twice either to sink his teeth into Byeongkwan’s collarbone.<br/>The pleasure is taking turns with the pain, and Byeongkwan can't help but moan loudly as Seyoon runs his tongue over the fresh marks on Byeongkwan’s skin. There is a distinct hardness pressing up against Byeongkwan’s ass, and it sends shivers down his spine. He is way bigger than Byeongkwan expected.<br/>"Wait, wait. Oh shit. <em> Wait </em> ." he whimpers, his nerves a mess and thoughts all over the place. "Where- where are the others?" <br/>Seyoon looks at him with hazed eyes, like he forgot they live with three other men. <br/>"I have no idea. And I don’t really care.”<br/>“But I do, I don’t wanna get walked in on with your dick down my throat.”<br/>“Oh, so you’re planning that far ahead, huh? You’re so-” Seyoon purrs, but is cut off when Byeongkwan leans in and bites his lip so hard it draws blood. “- fuck. What the <em> fuck </em> , Kwannie?”<br/>Byeongkwan peeks up mischievously through his bangs, and quickly laps up the blood.<br/>“Don’t pretend you didn’t love that.” he whispers. He gets a low groan in response before the older leans in once more to kiss him. Byeongkwan obediently opens his mouth, allowing Seyoon access. And if their first kiss wasn’t gross, this one surely is. It’s all tongues and teeth and Byeongkwan feels drool run down his chin. There is the harsh, metallic taste of blood from the bite Byeongkwan left, and it blends with the saliva and spills down on his bare chest and the covers. Byeongkwan never imagined himself to be the type, but it seems like anything Seyoon does has him craving for more.<br/>“That was disgusting.” Byeongkwan breathes quietly, and Seyoon pauses immediately. “Do it again.”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>☆</p><p>
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</p><p>Seyoon can’t stop, he feels high on some kind of drug that is within Byeongkwan. He is incapable of thinking, and isn’t even aware that the front door is opened until Byeongkwan throws himself backwards with a speed that must be impossible for any human to manage.<br/>“The others!” he hears the younger hiss between gritted teeth, and soon the surroundings catch up with him. They are in Byeongkwan’s and Junhee’s room. He did not lock the door when he got in here, mostly because he didn’t expect it to turn out this way. But man, he regrets that now.<br/>The second after Byeongkwan has thrown himself off Seyoon’s lap (leaving him with a raging boner for anybody to see, mind you) the door opens and Junhee peeks in.<br/>“Hi. Am I interrupting?” he asks softly, and Seyoon wants to throw the closest chair at him, because what the fuck man? <em> Of course </em> he is interrupting.<br/>“Uh- we-” he stutters instead, but Byeongkwan beats him to it.<br/>“No, hyung. It’s fine. We were just-” he turns towards Seyoon with a nasty grin. “- talking.”<br/>Seyoon now wants to throw said imaginary chair at Byeongkwan’s smug smile.<br/>“Oh. I see. We bought dinner. It’s like, really a <em> lot </em> , because Yuchan didn’t know when to stop ordering. Please help us?”<br/>They exchange a glance, disappointment evident between them. But there is <em> no way </em>anything is happening with the others one wall apart. Seyoon puts a mental note to punish Byeongkwan for this as soon as he can. Even though he knows it isn’t the younger’s fault, he has a strong feeling he won’t oppose to being put in his place.</p><p>
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</p><p>A few days pass, and Byeongkwan has never been on edge as much as he has been for these days. They have had zero alone time since the heated makeout session, and Byeongkwan feels ready to explode. Just being in such close proximity to Seyoon, now that they have kinda admitted their feelings, makes him close to burst into flames at any given moment. He had crushes before, but he can’t remember anyone being so vividly enticing that it destroys his composure like this.<br/>And so November 15th comes around. Just a regular fansign. But still, it isn’t. It is the first fansign since they made out, and Byeongkwan would be lying if he didn’t admit he had some wicked ideas in mind. Of course, none of those would be appropriate in front of Choice. But a man could dream.<br/>The morning routine is normal, except for Byeongkwan taking extra time in the shower. <em> Just in case, you know </em> . Cleaning up and getting a tiny bit prepped with Seyoon’s sloppy kisses at the front of his mind. He has to bite his clenched fist to not moan out too loudly.<br/>“Yah! You done in there soon? I wanna wash my hair, hyung!” Yuchan yells through the door, and Byeongkwan hurries up with washing off the last bit of soap and gets out.<br/>“Sorry, I got lost in thought.” he apologizes quietly, before dashing to his room.<br/>“I bet you did.” the maknae snickers while winking. Byeongkwan wants to slap him into the next realm because of the way he said that. Yuchan is clever and Byeongkwan is sure he figured this shit out long before him or Seyoon had the time to reflect on their relationship.<br/>He quickly puts on a comfy outfit and a mask, before skipping to Seyoon’s and Donghun’s room to have company until they leave.<br/>Seyoon sits on his bed, engulfed in his twitter feed. Byeongkwan snakes into his lap, wiggling his upper body through the space between Seyoon’s chest and hands.<br/>“What are you looking at?” he asks as innocently as he can muster while squirming a bit extra against Seyoon’s crotch.<br/>“J-just my feed.” the older answers, and puts his phone away to hug Byeongkwan tightly. His lips are ghosting Byeongkwan’s ear as he whispers. “Please don’t rile me up like this in front of Hunnie-hyung and before a fansign. I will lose my temper.”<br/>Then he presses small kisses alongside Byeongkwan’s jawline, making him giggle.<br/>“What if that is what I want?”<br/>“Watch it, baby.”<br/>“Time to leave, koala mom and koala child!” Donghun interrupts them, and they detangle their limbs and leave the bed.<br/>“You’re in such a good mood today, hyung. Was your shower <em> that </em> good?” Yuchan teases when they are all packed inside the van.<br/>“It would have been better if you hadn’t interrupted me.” Byeongkwan retorts quickly, but he isn’t upset. Because it only kept him on the edge even more today, and he loves the way it makes his skin tingle, anticipation flooding his veins. He is determined to make Seyoon snap, and the older being clingy with the maknae sure stirs up Byeongkwan’s possessiveness, so he wants to see if he can provoke that from Seyoon, using the same technique.</p><p>
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</p><p>Seyoon isn’t dumb. He immediately notices when Byeongkwan starts his game. Giving him the smallest bursts of attention, just to seconds later go and cling onto Yuchan and have tickle fights.<br/>At first, he tries to ignore it, really tries to not let his jealousy get the best of him. He doesn’t want to give the younger the satisfaction.<br/>But the longer it goes on, the harder it is for him to control himself.<br/>While they perform <em> Slow dive </em> , Byeongkwan and Yuchan are really in a little maknae line bubble, and Seyoon can feel his hands twitch. And then at the end of the second verse Byeongkwan gets unnecessary close to Seyoon, his piercing gaze makes Seyoon suck in a sharp breath. Fucking hell. He forces himself to not jump Byeongkwan in this very second, he has to keep his composure at least until the fansign is over.<br/>He feels Byeongkwan’s eyes on him, and Seyoon knows he is waiting. He is such a little brat, and Seyoon can’t wait until they’re alone.<br/>After what feels like forever, they’re finally squished up in the van, Byeongkwan in his lap as he always is. He wiggles his ass against Seyoon’s groin, while looking seemingly unaffected as he continues to banter with Yuchan.<br/>“If you’re not ready for the consequences of this little game you’re playing, I suggest you stop. I won’t hold back. You’re driving me absolutely insane.” Seyoon hisses under his breath against Byeongkwan’s neck, quietly enough so none of the others can hear.<br/>Byeongkwan locks eyes with him, and there is a challenging glint in his eyes.<br/>“I <em> dare </em> you.” he whispers back. That was it, that was the last straw.<br/>“Don’t say I didn’t warn you, baby.”<br/>Seyoon puts his hand on Byeongkwan’s thigh, and squeezes so hard the other has to cover up his whimper with a cough, just as the van comes to a stop. The younger quickly climbs out to escape the other three member’s piercing gazes.<br/>They get inside and Yuchan throws himself on the couch with a loud groan.<br/>“Finally I can sit down!”<br/>“You’ve been sitting down for the past thirty minutes in the car..?” Donghun huffs, and Yuchan rolls his eyes.<br/>“That does not count. It only counts when it’s the couch.”<br/>Byeongkwan sits down next to Yuchan, and Seyoon sees the beginning of his best puppy eyes.<br/>“Hyyyuuungs…” he whines, feigning innocence. “Caaaan you get food for us? I want sushi from that place, you know my favorite place?”<br/>Donghun looks at him like he is crazy.<br/>“But we have tons of food left from Yuchan’s-”<br/>“But I really have cravings for sushi!” Byeongkwan interrupts him, a big pout decorating his features.<br/>“That place is like on the other side of Seoul. Can’t it wait until tomorrow?” Junhee tries to negotiate. Byeongkwan shakes his head vigorously. Seyoon can’t help but smile, Byeongkwan really was trying hard to get them some alone time. And knowing his stubbornness, he would probably succeed to persuade them to get him the sushi.<br/>“NO!” he wails loudly. “I want that sushi now. Tonight!”<br/>“Why-” Donghun starts, but is once again cut off.<br/>“I NEED SUSHI!”<br/>“Hyungs, lets get him his god damn sushi. Otherwise we will hear him complain all night.” Yuchan pipes up, trying to be heard over Byeongkwan’s yelps which were increasing in volume by the second.<br/>“ <em> Fine </em> , jeez. You big, silly baby. We will get your stupid food!” Donghun finally caves. “Can I at least take a showe-”<br/>“SUSHI!” Byeongkwan shouts, the pout still on full display, and Seyoon has to stop himself from laughing out loud.<br/>“Okay, okay! Just <em> please </em> , stop whining! Come on, let’s go!”<br/>Donghun motions for everybody to get to the van, while Junhee calls Hyungu to ask if he can drive them.<br/>“I’m so tired though, I need to rest.” Byeongkwan says quietly, touching his index fingers in mock innocence.<br/>“You gotta be <em> kidding </em> me.” Donghun sounds like he is about to slaughter someone. “You mean to tell me the four of us, who didn’t ask for a specific sushi, mind you, will travel to the other side of the world, just to get you <em> your </em> precious sushi?”<br/>“I need company. Sehni-hyung will stay with me, please?”<br/>Seyoon, who just have been observing with a faint smile on his face, suddenly realizes that everybody is staring at him.<br/>“Yah, please just help me out here. I can’t stand listening to his weeping all night!” Seyoon tries, and Donghun’s eye twitches.<br/>“Fine! I can’t <em> believe </em> I’m letting him get away with this behaviour. It’s all your fault!” Donghun mutters and glares pointedly at Yuchan. “Lets go before he finds another thing to whine about.”<br/>The three of them put their jackets and shoes on, and before they leave, Donghun stops in the doorway.<br/>“You owe me, big time.” he wheezes, and then they’re gone.<br/>Game on.</p><p>
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>ya yeET we at this bitch, next up is the inevitable gross smut. Sehni has officially absolutely lost his marbles.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Won't you be a good boy, let hyung wreck you?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Having the dorm empty, finally. Game on.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>ah yes so we are finally here!!!!!! i hope u enjoy this chapter. it took me forever to be satisfied with it, so i hope u feel well fed while reading haha<br/>it is also longer than the others, but i didn't wanna cut it up anywhere so. yeah<br/>also<br/>IF U R NOT COMFORTABLE WITH THIS KIND OF SHAMELESS SMUT then i suggest u dont read<br/>its basically pure filth while still sticking to the plot.<br/>but if u feel crazy uncomfortable with this kind of  nasty sin then i dont recommend reading this finale</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
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</p><p>The door clicks, indicating the automatic lock is activated. And within the blink of an eye Byeongkwan is pushed back on the couch with so much force he almost faints. Seyoon follows and both his hands are on the sides of Byeongkwan’s neck, keeping him at a slight distance while he hovers over the younger’s face.<br/>“Fucking finally, I was afraid they wouldn’t buy your little trick.” the older breathes.<br/>“Is that all you got, hyung? I’m not made of glass. I-” Byeongkwan starts to tease but is unable to finish because before he can react he is thrown over Seyoon’s shoulder, like he weighs nothing. He immediately starts squirming to make the task harder for the other male, but the grip Seyoon has on him is impossible to get out of.<br/>“ <em> You </em> , young man, need to learn your place.” Seyoon growls lowly, and smacks Byeongkwan’s ass harshly. The sudden burst of pain draws a yelp from Byeongkwan’s lips, and he hears Seyoon snicker with mirth.<br/>Within seconds they have reached the hyung line’s room, and Seyoon locks the door before striding towards his own bed. With surprising care he puts Byeongkwan down at the edge of the bed. Then he kneels in front of him, a sincere expression on his face.<br/>“Promise me you tell me whenever something feels wrong or scary. And I will stop immediately. Okay, baby?”<br/>Byeongkwan shivers slightly, he loves Seyoon when he is absolutely feral, but his soft heart is what makes him <em> fall </em> in love with him. He nods quickly.<br/>“Of course, hyung.”<br/>And just like that, the softness in the older’s eyes is switched to a boiling lust, making Byeongkwan’s stomach turn in anticipation.<br/>“Take your shirt off.” he orders and Byeongkwan complies as fast as he possibly can. Once topless, he stares at his hyung, waiting for the next command.<br/>“Lie down.”<br/>Byeongkwan scrambles backwards to lie flat on his back, breath uneven and fast. And Seyoon follows, hovering on top of him to not crush him under his broader frame, and kisses him. It makes Byeongkwan’s heart hurt with want, everything inside him is evaporating, he feels so hot from the inside out.<br/>Once again, the kiss is sloppy and Byeongkwan feels like he is being devoured. And he suddenly feels himself craving the disgusting things he had never liked before. Like the saliva he feels trickling down his cheeks and then falling into his hair, the squelching noises that fills the room, the way a thin layer of sweat is already forming all over his body, quickly cooling his burning skin and leaving goosebumps all over his exposed torso and arms in its wake.<br/>“M-mark me up. Anywhere is fine.” he manages to whisper between kisses, and Seyoon complies immediately. He roams all over Byeongkwan’s neck, swirling his tongue around, then down to his chest, biting teasingly at his nipples. Byeongkwan stifles a moan, and Seyoon looks up, an eyebrow cocked and looking very unimpressed.<br/>“If you try to be quiet one more time, I won’t finish what we started.” he scolds him lovingly, but there is a harsh edge to it. Byeongkwan shakes his head.<br/>“Please. It won’t happen again.” he quickly assures the older. “Please, continue.”<br/>“That’s my good boy.”<br/>The praise shoots straight to his dick, which is almost fully hard just from the slight teasing and kisses. He would be embarrassed but he is so deep down this rabbit hole of emotions that he can’t find it in himself to care.</p><p>
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</p><p>Seyoon lets his hands touch every inch of the younger’s smooth belly, almost choking on air because of how much he wants this man beneath him. He continues to bite Byeongkwan’s nipples, alternating with licking to soothe the pain.<br/>The younger’s soft breaths begin to increase in volume with every bite, and when Seyoon follows the curve of Byeongkwan’s belly towards his jeans, they have almost become small moans. Seyoon relishes the feeling of being able to make Byeongkwan feel good, it triggers a new kind of possessiveness within him.<br/>When he finally reaches the hem of the younger’s jeans, he can see the throbbing erection just underneath the fabric, and he can’t stop the groan that escapes his throat.<br/>“You’re already so hard for me, baby. And we just begun. Can’t wait to ruin you.”<br/>Byeongkwan whines, bucking his hips up, seemingly desperate for friction.<br/>“Touch me, please, <em> touch </em> me.”<br/>And who is Seyoon to deny him when he begs so prettily?<br/>He unzips the fly and pulls down both the jeans and boxers in one go, his patience nowhere to be found at the moment. Byeongkwan’s hips stutters again, and Seyoon is mezmerised. The sight before him is breathtaking. Byeongkwan lies splayed out, hands gripping the sheets, his torso shiny from saliva and sweat. His chest is blooming with small, red bite marks. His dick rests heavy on his lower abdomen, pulsating and in need of attention, the tip a flushed pink and a drizzle of precum is pooling beneath it.<br/>And if someone could have a perfect physique, it would be Byeongkwan. Seyoon knows the younger isn’t fully pleased with what he’s got, ever so often complaining about his height or that his slim waist and thick thighs makes it hard to find fitting jeans, or just nitpicking in general as one does when under the scrutinizing gazes of fansites and labels.<br/>Seyoon must have been lost in his admiring for a bit too long, because suddenly he is kicked by a pouting Byeongkwan, peeking at him through his lashes.<br/>“What?” the younger asks, looking petulant.<br/>“I just- I had to take a moment. You’re absolutely perfect. I already knew that, but I- I had to take it all in properly.” Seyoon answers truthfully. Because seeing him like this, unfiltered and raw and imperfect, might be the most perfect Seyoon has ever seen him.<br/>Byeongkwan rolls his eyes to cover up the blush that is spreading like wildfire.<br/>“Uh, you sappy romantic!” he howls, hiding his face in his hands.<br/>“Would you rather I ruin you without admiring you first?” Seyoon teases. Byeongkwan looks through his fingers, and shakes his head.<br/>“No…” he whispers. “Please, do what you see fit.”<br/>“Good boy.” Seyoon coos, having Byeongkwan so pliant really was rare, and he would lie if he said it didn’t feed his ego. “Now, would you help me get you out of these jeans?”</p><p>
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</p><p>With trembling hands, Byeongkwan reaches for the hem of his jeans and boxers and tugs them off. He feels exposed, and had it been anybody else seeing him he would want to cover up. But the way Seyoon eyes him up like he is a helpless prey makes his insides churn with excitement.<br/>“I- I prepped a- a little be-before we left fo-for the fansign, hyung.” he stutters, hoping the older won’t mind. Seyoon moans at his words, and dives in to kiss him deeply.<br/>“You’re such a bad boy, you know that?”<br/>“Admit it, you love the thought of me stretching myself with you in mind.” Byeongkwan retorts, feeling less shy because of the way Seyoon reacts to his confession.<br/>“Oh, you know I do. I’m jealous of those pretty fingers being where I’ve wanted to be for so long.”<br/>And without warning, Byeongkwan feels Seyoon firmly grip around him, giving him a quick, unsatisfying pump. Byeongkwan yelps, and Seyoon holds his other hand to his face, palm up.<br/>“Spit.” he orders, his voice low and harsh. Byeongkwan opens his mouth, letting gravity dispose saliva in the other’s hand. But Seyoon doesn’t look happy.<br/>“I said <em> spit </em> .”<br/>The way he says it makes Byeongkwan almost choke on his saliva instead of spitting it out. He feels so small and dominated, and he loves it. Once again surprised by his willingness to do things he usually doesn’t appreciate, he gathers saliva on his tongue, before he opens his mouth and spits right in the open palm under his chin.<br/>“Good boy.”<br/>He preens at the degrading praise, his dick twitching in anticipation. And while maintaining eye contact, Seyoon dribbles the fluid at the tip of Byeongkwan’s cock, before starting to jerk him off in a steady pace. Byeongkwan’s head falls back, and he moans out loud. The feeling of Seyoon’s hands jacking him off instead of his own is so much better than anything he ever had been able to provide by himself, and he never wants to do it alone ever again.<br/>“Fuck, hyung. You- your hands feel so go-od…” he blabbers. “M-more.”<br/>The second he says that, he feels a finger gently massaging his entrance, warming him up. He sucks in a breath, feeling so ready already. The excess saliva that has run down the underside of his cock provides a temporary lube, making the tip of Seyoon’s finger easily slide over the entrance.<br/>And just as Seyoon harshly pushes <em> two </em> fingers inside of Byeongkwan, he swallows around his dick, taking him all the way in at the same time his fingers bottom out to his knuckles. Byeongkwan shouts, overwhelmed and completely taken by surprise.<br/>“Fuck! Yoonie, fuck yes!”</p><p>
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</p><p>The salty taste of precum combined with the way Byeongkwan’s cock is throbbing in his mouth and his asshole sucks his fingers inside of him makes Seyoon dizzy. Shit, he is so turned on and it just keeps getting better. He moans around the younger, which elicits a string of high pitched moans.<br/>“Uh, yes, just- <em> fuck </em> , right there-”<br/>He tries to set a steady pace with both his mouth and his fingers. It’s almost impossible, he can barely focus on breathing right now. But the way his name spills from the younger’s lips keeps him going, knowing he has found the sweet spot.<br/>Byeongkwan grabs his hair, he pulls so hard Seyoon is scared he might go bald. But it would be worth it, honestly.<br/>“Seyoon, I’m gon- fuck- Yoonie, sto-” Byeongkwan quickly rambles but that is all the warning Seyoon gets before he feels the warm liquid slide down his throat. The younger is trembling when Seyoon pulls off with a pop.<br/>“Yoonie, shit I’m so so sorry, I didn’t- fuck I’m so sorry-” he hears Byeongkwan whimper, hiding his face in his hands. Seyoon shakes his head and quickly shuffles up to be face to face. And then he sees the tears, trailing down the younger’s flushed cheeks, dripping down into the damp blanket underneath his head. He panicks.<br/>“No, no baby. Please don’t cry, shhhh, sweet angel. Don’t cry.” he coos softly, petting his hair and cradling his face in his hands, slowly peeling away Byeongkwan’s own hands to look at him.<br/>“I couldn’t hel- oh God, I’m sorry. I don’t know why- forgive me please, Yoonie!” Byeongkwan hiccups, fresh tears spilling over the edge.<br/>“Baby, listen to me. I’m not angry. I am truly so fucking happy I made you feel so good. Don’t ever apologize for spoiling me with your pleasure, okay?”<br/>Byeongkwan blinks up at him, sniffling. And then his eyes turn into crescent moons as his lips curve into a smile. Seyoon continues to cuddle him, trying to ignore his own insane boner, desperate to escape its restraint. He lets Byeongkwan take his time to calm down, not wanting to push him.<br/>Soon enough he feels soft nibbles on this neck, nudging him back to reality.<br/>“I want you to fuck me.” the younger says after a few beats of silence. The teasing glint is back in his eyes. Byeongkwan had never been one to dwell on sadness, and knowing that made Seyoon feel assured enough to let his arousal back into his veins.<br/>He feels Byeongkwan’s abs flexing just so against his erection, creating a small wave of pleasure.<br/>“There is lube in the drawer, please prep yourself while I get out of this clothing prison.” he orders.</p><p>
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</p><p>Byeongkwan settles back against the covers once the lube is fetched, and pours a generous amount in his hand. He has to admit it is a bit hard to focus on yourself when there is a whole ass model undressing in front of you, but he is doing his best.<br/>Circling his entrance with the clear liquid, smearing it everywhere outside and inside, he watches how piece after piece of clothing falls to the floor and drinks in the male in front of him once he is fully exposed. The way the streetlights hit his toned body makes Byeongkwan’s knees weak. Every curve is so smooth, it looks like it has been carved out. The skin is pulled taut over the muscles on his arms, chest and thighs. His whole body is a tiny bit damp, making him glow, almost ethereal, in the middle of the room.<br/>“Fuck, you’re so-” he breathes, two fingers deep and already wrecked. Seyoon looks slightly embarrassed at first, before he regains his composure and settles between the younger’s spread legs. Byeongkwan can’t help eyeing his dick, it is almost intimidating. Curving slightly towards his stomach, it has the perfect angle. There is a shiny bead of precum at the soft pink tip that makes Byeongkwan want to swallow him whole.<br/>Byeongkwan removes his own hands, and shuffles further down into the mattress, inviting Seyoon to touch him. And touch him he does, his hands are warm and big over his thighs and Byeongkwan moans. And then he feels the familiar stretch from Seyoon’s fingers, working him open.<br/>“Fuck me already, please.”<br/>Byeongkwan is so impatient, but Seyoon seems to love to keep him on edge.<br/>“You’re so tight, I have to make sure you can at least function tomorrow.”<br/>“I don’t wanna function. I wanna be wrecked.” he pouts. Seyoon smirks, and withdraws his fingers.<br/>“Then let hyung wreck you, baby.” he growls as he lines himself up. The tip is right up against Byeongkwan’s entrance, he can feel the pulse through it. He is burning up, he has never been so ready. And then it hurts. It hurts so bad, Byeongkwan whimpers.<br/>“Fuck, Kwannie. I-” he hears Seyoon moan under his breath, and Byeongkwan forces himself to relax. It <em> really </em> fucking hurts. Slowly, slowly he feels inch after inch enter him, stretching him open so wide he is afraid he might split in half. He doesn’t want to cry again, but holding back the tears proves impossible, and one after one they roll down his cheeks. Seyoon stops, worry etched over his features.<br/>“Baby, are you okay? Please talk to me.” he mumbles, stroking Byeongkwan’s cheek with his thumb, catching a tear.<br/>“I- I’m okay. It j-just hu- hurts. Like a <em> lot </em> .”<br/>“Promise to tell me if it’s too much. Okay?”<br/>Byeongkwan nods. Seyoon wraps his hand around Byeongkwan’s erection, which came alive again a while ago, stroking him lazily to distract him from the intense pain.<br/>“You can continue, please.” he breathes after a minute. And there is more pain, until it comes to a stop. Then there is just the burning sensation that something is there, but unmoving. After what feels like forever, he can relax completely. His muscles has finally stopped protesting the intrusion, and he lets out a shuddering breath. Seyoon is watching him intently, and as their gazes lock, Byeongkwan nods.<br/>“Ruin me.”</p><p>
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</p><p>Seyoon’s body reacts on its own accord, withdrawing his hips and snapping them forward hastily. The single thrust almost has him blacked out. The continuous squeeze of the walls around him is so tight, he feels lightheaded.<br/>“Sorry.” he apologizes, knowing it must have hurt a bit.<br/>“I’m fine. Do it again.” Byeongkwan whines. “And please, kiss me.”<br/>Seyoon does not have to be told twice, as he closes the distance between them on every level, thrusting deep into the younger while licking into his mouth. And then there is a short whirl of pain, before he realizes Byeongkwan bit him again. He withdraws, a knowing smile on his lips.<br/>“Sorry.” Byeongkwan mewls, not sounding sorry at all. “I couldn’t help it. But I mean… it’s kinda fair.”<br/>The younger puts his hands around Seyoon’s neck and brings him closer for another kiss, swirling the blood between them as they kiss like they need it to stay alive. Maybe they do. Seyoon can’t tell.<br/>He feels his release build up at an insane speed, and by the loud moans Byeongkwan is making, he seems to be on the same track.<br/>He has to pull away from the kiss, his thrusts already getting uneven. He can feel the blood trickle down his chin, and he sees it drip down onto Byeongkwan’s soft belly, making amazing patterns as it blends with the beads of sweat with every thrust.<br/>His thighs hurt, and he really wants to catch a break. But the broken whimpers of his name escaping Byeongkwan like the most sinful of melodies pushes him to pull through.<br/>“Kwannie, I can’t- I’m gonna-” he groans loudly when he realizes he is mere seconds away.<br/>“Yes, hyung. Fuck yes, me too. Please own me, fill me, Yoonie- fuck-” Byeongkwan wails beneath him, his fingernails drawing angry red marks all over Seyoon’s back and arms. He hears Byeongkwan scream, raw and throaty and insanely loud.<br/>And the contractions of Byeongkwan around him as he cums all over himself is all it takes for Seyoon to come absolutely undone, his orgasm crashing over him like a tsunami. He swears he is blind for a few seconds, hips uncontrollably jerking forward into the tight heat, milking him dry until it hurts.</p><p>
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</p><p>Seyoon collapses on top of him, seemingly unable to coordinate his body.<br/>After what feels like hours, Byeongkwan starts to regain sensation in his limbs. Slowly he nudges the older male.<br/>“Sehni-” he coos, petting Seyoon’s sweaty hair. His throat hurt, not being used to scream at the top of his lungs for such an extended period of time. Seyoon stirs a bit, not asleep but dozed off due to the force of the orgasm.<br/>“Sehni-hyung. We need to shower.” he whispers, giving small pecks on the other’s earlobe. Seyoon takes a deep breath, and snuggles into Byeongkwan’s neck.<br/>“Please don’t make me carry you, I’m completely spent.” he murmurs lowly. Byeongkwan can’t help but giggle.<br/>“Oh my God hyung, what do you take me for? Some kind of sadistic little devil?”<br/>Seyoon sits up, and rubs his eyes quickly before standing, holding out his arms for Byeongkwan to climb up.<br/>“Don’t even get me started, baby.” he laughs breathily as Byeongkwan jumps into his arms with a high pitched squeal.<br/>And Byeongkwan finds himself being the happiest he has ever been. Yeah, it had been a <em> Slow fucking dive </em>, but now that he finally got to the bottom with his feelings, breathing had never been so easy.</p><p>
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</p><p>☆☆☆☆☆</p><p>
  <br/>
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</p><p>
  <b> <em>Epilogue</em> </b>
</p><p>
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</p><p>
  <em> ☆ </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
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</p><p><em> The drive went way faster than they expected, and the second they get home, Yuchan hears. Oh, he </em> hears <em> . And judging by the looks on his hyung’s faces, they also hear.<br/></em> <em> “Um, so. I’m just gonna-” Donghun clears his throat. “- put the sushi in the-”<br/></em> <em> “Fuck! Yoonie, fuck yes!”<br/></em> <em> “- in the fridge! And maybe, Junhee-ah would you like to-”<br/></em> <em> “Uh, yes, just- </em> fuck <em> , right there-”<br/></em> <em> “- to take a walk with me?!”<br/></em> <em> Yuchan can’t stop laughing, seeing his hyungs so flustered over something he knew was gonna happen. Junhee rushes after Donghun to the front door.<br/></em> <em> “Sure, hyung, let me just-”<br/></em> <em> “Seyoon, I’m gon- fuck- Yoonie, sto-”<br/></em> <em> “- get my sneakers back on!”<br/></em> <em> Yuchan is bordering on silent laughing now, he can’t stand up properly and has to sit down on the couch.<br/></em> <em> “See you-” he snorts. “- in thirty minutes-”<br/></em> <em> Donghun looks at him, panicked.<br/></em> <em> “You’re- you’re staying? </em> Voluntarily <em> ?!”<br/></em> <em> Yuchan nods, still wheezing with laughter. The door clicks. He needs a moment to stop laughing and wipe his tears. Then he settles himself comfortably on the couch, scrolling twitter and interacting with Choice.<br/></em> <em> He filters out the noise from the bedroom, not eager on prying any further in his hyungs relationship.<br/></em> <em> A while later, Seyoon appears dressed in only sweatpants, with Byeongkwan draped in a blanket in his arms, holding him like a princess. He almost drops the younger though, when they spot Yuchan on the couch. All color drain from their faces, and Yuchan waves teasingly.<br/></em> <em> “The others fled the scene. Next time, keep it down so we all can comfortably stay at home, huh?” Yuchan feigns scolding, and has to force himself to not laugh out loud at the scene.<br/></em> <em> “I’m- we are </em> sorry <em> , Channie-” Byeongkwan starts while Seyoon bows them both.<br/></em> <em> “I’m just joking. Honestly I’m glad we got this whole ordeal out of the way. Now go shower, you reek of sex.” </em></p><p>
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  <em> ☆ </em>
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>DID U LIKE IT?????<br/>DID U LOVE IT???? BECAUSE I LOVE IT<br/>ah yeah im so happy to finally have this babie done. i will miss it, i have been raising it since it was just one word old.<br/>and to imagine we are here, 13k+ words later, im squishy sappy romantic now uwu<br/>i am so happy for all the comments and kudos and bookmarks so far, thank u all for staying wif me druing this roller coaster fic ride. &lt;3<br/>and extra thank u to my sweet authorChoicefriend Hani, ur words helped me when i was stuck!!! im so happy we started talking!!!!</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>please drop some kudos and luvins and bookmarks because im poor and cant even afford ramyun so i need comments to stay alive</p></blockquote></div></div>
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